When American Idol aired its second annual charity special, Idol Gives Back, earlier this week, the producers seemed to go out of their way to cram as many celebrity cameos as humanly possible into the mammoth show. Yet despite an accommodating two-and-a-half hour running time, there were at least three people who still were left out of the fun. That’s right, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John McCain were nowhere to be seen, instead relegated to the proverbial sidelines that was Thursday’s results show. It sort of seemed like a bizarre snub. Surely these three Presidential candidates had enough clout to warrant a place on the main stage, but I guess Fox felt other celebrities were more valuable for fundraising needs. And honestly, I kind of agree. I mean, out of all the stars that took the stage, who would you turn away?

Certainly not George Lopez, whose mere presence reminded us that the world is in a very, very unfunny state. Certainly not High School Musical thespians Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale, whose squeaky voices reasserted the generally annoying nature of poverty. And certainly not So You Think You Can Dance judgeMary Murphy, whose incessant screaming perfectly expressed how the eardrums of our souls need to be pierced with the shrill call of activism. Yes, all these celebrities were entirely too valuable to bump off the program.

There were also Posh and Becks, a.k.a. Victoria and David Beckham. Never could they have been dropped from the show as their Very Serious Faces reminded us that poverty affects everyone, even the pretty. Similarly, Tyra Banks served as a beacon of sassy inspiration to every one of us, proving once again that we can all remain fierce (snap) in the face of overwhelming hardship. Oh, and I’d be loathe to omit Teri Hatcher and The Band From TV. Some may have deemed their cover of the Carrie Underwood tune “When He Cheats” “unnecessary” and “bad”, but to me, it was a sterling example of the hubris that lets poverty thrive. A cautionary tale indeed.

Surely I wouldn’t trade one second of the ten thousand that were spent on Miley Cyrus and Billy Crystal’s never-ending banter. When the young songbird reminded us that her album had reached the top of the charts, I couldn’t help but pump my fist triumphantly, noting the power to succeed commercially even in adverse economical times. Say what you will about Obama, but you haven’t heard hope until you’ve heard Hannah Montana. And to further cement that notion, we got two, count ‘em, two Miley Cyrus performances. Thank goodness neither one was cut. They were a testament to the conviction of America’s youth — willing to go out there and give quite literally 200%. Amen, Miley. Amen.

Then there was Robin Williams. His low-rent, Borat-rip-off bit went on and on and on. Some people might say that had the producers cut it down (or out completely) then maybe we could have had time for the candidates. But those naysayers don’t seem to realize that if we didn’t have Mr. Williams’s long, tired comic routine, we would never have truly felt the pain and desperation that so many of our brothers and sisters feel. Only Robin Williams could induce the sort of groans that speak to the misery of so many people. He truly made usexperience the strife, more so than anyone else. Not even Barack Obama’s most eloquent speech could ever convey that.

So I commend the producers of American Idol. Their emphasis on celebrities — no matter how big or small — over the politicians was a smart one. Someday, one of these Presidential candidates will be shaping the policies that affect poverty in our country and others, but until they can do a stale comedy routine or release a catchy pop album, we’ll leave the fundraising to the stars.

– Ben Mandelker